when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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