best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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