i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
