your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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