Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
