she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i wish my penis had a tongue
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
