it was like his penis was on wheels.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
