wrigley field is MILF paradise
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
