my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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