The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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