so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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