That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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