I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
