did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
