woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
