Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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