I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
