It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
