i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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