We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
tell me about the eggs
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
