Where did you get a picture of my penis
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
