i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
