Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
