Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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