I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
