I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
