Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I use my feet as sexual weapons
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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