careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
