My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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