from now on my penis is your penis
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
