9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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