It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
