I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
