Apparently you make a good broom.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
