I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
