I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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