remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
