I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
