Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
