But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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