so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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