i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
