Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
