I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
