Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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