There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
