you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
