fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
