Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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