2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
