So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
