Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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