How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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