There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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