he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
